new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
