This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
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