You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Randomize
