I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
