i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
