dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
