you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
