Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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