so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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