don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Randomize
