Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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