Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
