im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
