Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
