So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
