dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
