I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
