why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
