His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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