he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
