Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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