i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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