I was born with a shot glass in my hand
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
