He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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