omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
