mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
