this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
