Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
