Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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