Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
