i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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