Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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