my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
this just has baby written all over it
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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