He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
