Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
