I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
