the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
