You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
