Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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