she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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