Having a random hookup so left but love u
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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