he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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