so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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