youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
