i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
