he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
