im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
