I don't usually arrange sex via text message
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
