toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
