so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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